THE ICE CREAM THAT WOULDN’T MELT!

Well, this is really creepy!  I am sure most of us are aware that the "food" we shove down our gaping American maws on the daily barely qualifies as such. The stuff cooking in your microwave is basically just a chemistry set labeled "eat me." Ramen contains wax to keep the noodles form sticking to each other, Margarine is something like one molecule away from being house paint, and then there's...this...

Man, the most we can expect from an ice cream sandwich is for it to actually melt when exposed to heat, right?

Oh no....

According to a company rep, "Ice cream melts based on the ingredients including cream. Ice cream with more cream will generally melt at a slower rate, which is the case with our Great Value ice cream sandwiches."

Rrrrrrigghhhhht. An ice cream sandwich is supposed to be a tasty cool treat on a hot day, not an unholy mysteriously oozing artifact from an alien civilization.