Darren Lashes Out at Creepy Clowns: Stop It or Else

Across the country, we've heard reports of people dressed as clowns making threats against schools, students, whatnot. It started in a small town back east and now it has reached central and southeast Texas: a student in Corpus Christi - a town named after the body of Christ for crying out loud - urged his fellow students to dress up as clowns and cause trouble. At Manor High School and Del Valle High School there have been threats according to KVUE-TV, and even in Waco and Gatesville there are reports.

Dammit, that's enough. Enough I say.

This scary clown business has me redder than Bozo's nose. Clowns are supposed to be funny, not knife wielding murderers. It all started with that TV movie of Stephen King's It with Pennywise the Clown. I've never watched it, it makes me so angry.

To me, the great clowns like Emmett Kelly and his son, Red Skelton, and so forth, these are what come to mind when you say the word. Ronald McDonald. Clarabell from Howdy Doody. Bozo, of course. Krusty The Clown. Even Jerry Lewis. These are all funny people. Clowning is an art. Rodeo clowns have a useful job.

When I was a lad and saw the clowns at Ringling Brothers Circus, I was hooked. I wanted to make people laugh. They did amazing slapstick. I loved every moment.

Look at Jimmy Stewart. He played a part in the background in Cecil B. DeMille's The Greatest Show on Earth. Stewart, probably the biggest actor in Hollywood next to John Wayne in 1952, who wanted to play a clown, Buttons. Okay, so he was actually a fugitive accused of murdering his wife but at least he didn't go out of his way to scare people! The movie won the Academy Award for Best Picture, by the way.

That voice!

TV's clown master was Red Skelton. His Freddie The Freeloader was a classic hobo-styled clown. Downtrodden but good-natured. Here's a whole show, in color no less.

And truly, the first great comedian was a clown turned auteur. The one and only Charles Chaplin...

These people brought smiles to millions. Their tradition is being soiled by sick jerks.

If I come across someone dressed as a clown trying to scare people...grrrrrrr.