Charles Bronson Wants You To Smell Good.

Commercials present you an idealized representation of the world we live in. The Everything Dial is cranked up to perfect; everywhere you look there is an idealized world where everything is designed to make life easier for you. It makes you wanna live there. In Commercial Land.

Nerdly McSuitington slaps on some wannabe hip aftershave and it drives his blonde girlfriend into such a fit of Want It that they set about trashing their weirdly huge apartment? Sure, Hai Karate actually smelled like a drunk uncle in a sweaty basement bar, but who cares about reality. It drives sixties chicks bonkers! Sign me up.

Yeah. All the sixties stars lived in the same universe and drove Chevorlets and holy crap Elizabeth McGovern was ridiculously hot. And who doesn't wanna dress like Robert Vaughan in his boating jacket and neckerchief and tool around in a Corvair? And was that Agnes Moorehead coming on to that galumph from Bonanza? This is the world I wanna live in!

And the product pimpin' didn't stop with live action stars. Nobody thought anything about having Fred and Barney extoll the virtues of SMOKING!

Kinda reprehensible but, hey, who knew back then. Dad has his tiki bar rec room and the kids were all not frightened at all by the really really creepy circus clown trying to sell them cereal.

You know who would have clocked that clown? Charles Bronson. Who know who drove a fast car after getting all contemplative in a piano bar by himself before going home, lighting up a pipe and splashing himself with positively every drop of cologne in just one of his many many bottles of MANDOM?

Go, Chuck!

Yeah. I'm ready to exist in the wacky alterna-world of commercials. Just for a while. Just me and Ricardo Montalbon and  his fine leather interiored car. That's the life we want. Swank. Finely crafted. Nothing like the Sebring driving, the dog just yakked in the kitchen existence I'm dealing with now. Yeah. Cordobaaaaaaa.

P.S: I, Dave In The Cave, do a movie review show. Have a look at that here: